Sitting With Myself

What would happen if I could just sit down and be with myself? How would my life change? At a minimum it would change my perspective, my point of view.

When I am able to see myself through a different set of lenses I begin t see the truth of my existence. The truth of my being. Without the inhibition of past thoughts, scripts and emotional baggage.

I wrote this 11 days following my abdominal surgery to remove a tumour from my bowel. It is just as relevant today.

Enjoy

What if there is only one thing to master in life? What inner thing would you choose?

I would choose to “enjoy” myself in every moment. Then no matter where I am or what is happening I can enjoy the moment. Because all it takes is making a conscious choice, to look for what I enjoy. I bet no matter what is going on, I can always find something I enjoy.

In my life I have had a lot to deal with. For example, burying my entire family. Yes I am the last man standing. I have always been able to look back on my ,one and be grateful for everything that has happened. Even when people die, even when my grief has been heavy. I have always been grateful for the connection with family and friends during these traumatic events. So yes I have been able to find the enjoyment of funerals, only in the rear view mirror.

Now that I’m writing this new book, Enjoy. Do. Be. Free. the opportunity and the challenge is to find the “joy” in every moment. Joy is a feeling of pleasure in the moment. To enjoy is to take pleasure, posses and benefit from. To me, this means giving myself permission to to “take pleasure” or even find the “pleasure” in the moment. Whether it is the tasteful coffee ship music in the background or the taste of a really well crafted Americans Misto coffee.

To enjoy is to choose. To recognize something which brings me pleasure. I can choose to enjoy it I can choose to not enjoy. Both are arrived at and at through choice. Sometimes through conscious choice and sometimes non-conscious reaction. Whether conscious or not, whether to enjoy or not-enjoy all are decisions. Choosing to enjoy is a decision to recognize a pleasurable experience, to consciously allow oneself to feel it.

To not-enjoy is often an unconscious emotional eruption, a reaction to some stimulus, event or person. These unconscious eruptions are often preceded by automatic negative thoughts. Or triggered by negative memories, old, well worn patterns of thought and beliefs based past experiences. What gets forgotten is what has handed in the past does not necessarily translate as the truth in this moment.

All are choices.

This is the first public post ever about a book concept I am working on, “Enjoy. Do. Be. Free.”

What is social media?

What makes social media, social is the conversation, the dialogue. Yet, these days true open dialogue seems hard to come by. This is a trend I have been watching for the last 16 months. Seems, there are people who when they find out you do not agree with them, immediately seem to become ultra critical. Debate, dialogue and conversation exploring difficult topics online in social media circles, seems few and far between, Disagreement seems like bait and people take the bait, whether it was intentional or not, all the time. It is like it is an invitation or a taunting for a verbal fight.

Confrontation seems to the order of the day.

Sad.

I have noticed this behaviour increasingly escalate into neo hate speech. Which is the reason I took a break from social media. Plus I don’t need to see negative commentary, witness people feign concern and express quasi sentimental posts, repeated in my news feed 40-50 times. If you are going to post something at least put some real thought into your post. The  Use your words, express yourself and most important build and expand the conversation.

Please, do that and we all win.

Do that and I will gladly participate and play within a wide ranging conversation.

Willingness To Learn

Time to change

I’m listening to Kevin Trudeau about the Training Balance Scale and Teachability Index and I had a sudden realization. I’ve always had very high willingness to learn and and at different times a very high willingness to change. Something is different now.

I came to the realization that I have held some shame around my very strong desire to learn, grow and change.

I remembered a conversation I had with a trusted friend, many years ago. He thought my constant pursuit of growth, learning and change was a weakness. In fact, I can remember the exact conversation. We were at a golf driving range and afterward were talking about life and I was sharing the things I was working on in my business. He said, “What is with you and this need for learning and change?”

Although I never let him know, I felt shamed and made wrong. I felt misunderstood and began to wonder if there was something “wrong” with me? After all, this was a man I respected. We had spent years together supporting one another. I had never felt anything but acceptance and support from him, until that moment.

He was questioning the validity of something that was near and dear to me. As I look back, our relationship was never the same thereafter. I was never the same either.

I attempted to explain how I felt. I shared with him a conversation I had with my father many years before. A few months before my father died, I had a pivotal conversation that would shape the rest of my life.

Dad suggested that I needed to “learn how to learn”. I never forgot that conversation and this idea of “learn how to learn”. It was a very profound conversation and one of the last truly meaningful conversations I had before he died suddenly. Admittedly, I hung onto my fathers memory and specifically, that conversation. Upon reflection, “learning to learn” has been a significant theme in my life. It has helped me on many, many levels.

Lately, I’ve been noticing that somehow I’ve been kind of stuck and haven’t been willing to change. Although, as little as a few days ago if you had suggested I had a low willingness to change, I’d have probably argued the opposite. What I hadn’t considered were the limiting beliefs and resistance that sat just below the surface of my awareness.

My drive to learn was high, however, if I tell the truth, my willingness to change was low. Why is that? I’m still attempting to dig through and gain some insight. Today, I sense there are some limiting beliefs and fear holding me back from being willing to change.

To be fair, I am recovering from pneumonia and I need to be gentle with myself. I tend to drive myself to the breaking and point of exhaustion. I need to change that and therefore I am going to be gentle with myself.

I am going to keep an eye on my motions, thoughts and feelings. Be an active observer over the next few weeks and see what I can discover about myself.

Mornings without Social Media

Audio Version

I’m surprised at the amount of extra headspace, room to think I am experiencing. For example, I am actually writing instead of listening, recording or reading. Of course, I wonder if anybody will be reading this. There’s a part of me that says it doesn’t matter, because I’m writing for myself. The purpose of this test is to take the time to be reflective and truly be with my own thoughts.

This is the first morning where I have not indulged in social media activities. It’s pretty interesting how pernicious the desire to see what other people are doing and talking about actually is. The attraction to open apps is not as strong as I thought it would be. I feel drawn to see what other people are doing and talking about. Apps like Bumpers, Anchor, Facebook, Twitter all provide the opportunity to observe and listen in on peoples lives. However, I could accomplish the same thing by picking up the phone and calling them.

I wonder if I will call some people? I wonder how the conversation will go? Will they have time to talk? Will it be different or weird?

What I’m most fascinated with is the extra mental bandwidth I am sensing. Room to think, far less expectations and far less of the accompanying tension. This is a creative tension, a drive to “create” and share it with others. Which is the very reason I decided to take the break from social media.

I sensed that there was a great deal of my creative energy being consumed participating in social media. This creative energy and flow is now available to be used for my own side projects, books or other creative endeavours. This is the reason I decided to eliminate social media temporarily. Intuitively, I sensed this was happening, now I have my own post facto rationale and results which confirm my conclusions.

Anxiety & Fear of Missing Out (8:43 am)

I am now on my iPad Pro and I forgot to modify my notications on this device. I am surprised at the anxiety I felt as I turned off Facebook and Twitter notifications. I had already compeleted a significant pruning of my notifications months before.

I feel free… (9:02 AM)

I am sitting here looking out the window and am noticing the absence of the tension to perform. I definitely feel much more in control of my day. No longer filling up every moment it’s social media pasts, recordings etc. Ahhh…

What happens when you avoid social media?

Today I decided to temporarily avoid social media. I was out and about this afternoon, I needed a break away from home and office. I decide on a whim to stop at Booster Juice and who sees me from the road and turns in it say hello? Yogi Anoop!

Yogi is such a breath of fresh air. He is always optimistic, living life and even cloudy weather!

The insanity of maintaining multiple online presences

I realize that headline may not be grammatically correct, too bad. Since the demise of anchor version one I’ve noticed that I’ve been chasing engagement. Engagement on the original anchor application was effortless. It was rewarding. It was mutually beneficial. Not so with version 2.

I found myself attempting to engage multiple presences on social networks. It has become unmanageable, not to mention unrewarding. I realize that a lot of these issues are “my issues”. However, I am the only one that can choose to deal with it. Increasingly, it seems to me that be successful in social networks, you have to be willing to subjugate your priorities for the priorities of others.

Everyone talks, few listen

Doesn’t seem like people are interested in listening, only talking, projecting and broadcasting. Exchange of different ideas is frowned upon. People are posting stuff that is not their own as if it is their own. That shows a distinct lack of intellectual honesty. I realize that in some cases it’s absolutely possible that one could forget where you learned something. I know it happens to me.

FYI, this idea of intellectual honesty I first heard from my friend Rosa Say.

Quoting ones teachers and providing citations of the author or originator is the essence of intellectual honesty.

But we don’t have “teachers” anymore do we? Now we have Google.

Google, social networks of all kinds have of become our teachers and influencers. We have become conditioned to the wide availability of information. We have also stopped thinking for ourselves, thinking critically.

We were given two ears and one mouth.

We should listen more than we speak. However, that seems to be very difficult for the unwashed masses. Largely unaware of the intrusion of performance based acceptance into their awareness and consciousness, the march of marketing, hype and other people’s agendas has clearly infiltrated their minds. It has clearly happen to me, hence my declaration of a new practice. dIgital hygiene.

Digital hygiene

It is time I began to practice some digital hygiene. I can’t maintain a clean presence intellectually or emotionally on multiple social networks.

Therefore, until further notice all of my online activity will be restricted to my blog. If you want to talk with me you can leave a comment or you can call me.

If you want I know what I’m up to, this is the place.

Who are you? Or how to get unstuck forever

This is a 29 minute audio with an exercise about getting clear about who you are and what is important to you.

As a result of listening to this and *doing* this exercise you will get clarity about who you are, what is important and what you believe.

Then if you the outcome (list of your values, beliefs, principles, morals and ethics) from the instructions contained in this audio you will make more congruent decisions, feel better about yourself and the choices you make.

NOTE: everyone always observes or asks me, “Values, beliefs, morals and ethics are the same.” Yes and no. This exercise was created to cause you to examine each of these areas. Feel into the tension you feel as you look at each of these areas. If you sit with it ling enough, you will eventually get clarity around the differences *for you*.

What does hope look like?

Remember, today might be the day that … simply by being you, you give someone hope… give someone a little energy to keep going, an encouraging word, a simple thank you, I smile or… give them the gift of your time and attention.